More than just Faith, Trust, and Pixie Dust! By Lisa Van Arsdale
Peter: Would they send me to school? Wendy: Yes. Peter: Then, to an office? Wendy: I suppose so. Peter: Soon I should be a man.(Wendy nods.) You can’t catch me and make me a man! Wendy: Peter… Peter: I want always to be a boy and to have fun! Wendy: You say so, but I think it is your biggest pretend.
Peter Pan Syndrome: Men Who Have Never Grown Up. Dr Dan Kiley. DOWNLOAD Psychology - The Neurotic Personality of Our Time. The Peter Pan Syndrome - Men Who Have Never Grown Up has 173 ratings. In 1984, Dan Kiley collected his experiences as a counselor and formulated a.
(Hogan) Such is the life of a victim of the Peter Pan Syndrome. But it doesn’t need to be this way. When one thinks of Peter Pan, one might think of a happy little boy clad in leaves or green tights. But there is much more to this character than just pixie dust! The character and concept surrounding Peter Pan has become so engrained that a syndrome exists manifesting those characteristics of eternal youth.
At first glance, one would assume that having a syndrome is not healthy. Dr. Dan Kiley, author of “The Peter Pan Syndrome,” would agree with that assumption. Kiley wonders if perhaps there was something that made little Peter not want to grow up. Perhaps he was traumatized (Kiley 6). This is really a rather stupid question, here’s a better one: WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD WANT TO GROW UP? Everyone knows that childhood beats adulthood any day. Unfortunately, the average child can’t think lovely thoughts and whisk himself off. There are, however, individuals who give it a good try. These individuals are victim of the peter Pan Syndrome (Kiley 25).
No, this does not mean victim thinks he can fly. The syndrome is a fear of growing up. It builds up over time, it doesn’t happen all at once. The outcome is “social impotence.” In other words, the guy’s just an absolute jerk (Kiley 24). The victim’s lack of responsibility begins to show itself around the age of eleven or twelve, closely followed by signs of anxiety at thirteen or fourteen. After this, loneliness sets in at fifteen or sixteen, with sex-role conflict rearing its ugly head at seventeen or eighteen. This leads to narcissism around nineteen or so, and finishes off with chauvinism by the time the victim is twenty-two years of age (Kiley).
But what causes this syndrome to take root in a person’s life? One might blame it on the parents. Kiley claims that this is what made Peter wish to run away. A victim will have an unhealthy relationship with his father (Kiley 64). This will lead to a lack of respect for male authority figures in his future, such as a boss or coach. He will either not submit to their authority, or bend over backwards for their favor to compensate for the lack of approval from his father. With no father to turn to, the victim looks to the mother. One might call his a “mama’s boy.” When the victim reaches the peak age for the sex-role conflict, it will become rather obvious that he has an obsession with motherly figures. He will try to turn every woman who comes into his life into a surrogate mother (Kiley 36).
Wendy: What are your exact feelings for me, peter? Peter: Those of a devoted son, Wendy. Wendy (turning away): I thought so. Peter: You are puzzling. Tiger Lily is just the same; there is something or other she wants to be to me, but she says it is not my mother. Wendy (with spirit): No, indeed it isn’t. Peter: Then what is it? Wendy: It isn’t for a lady to tell. Peter (badgered): I suppose it means she wants to be my mother. Tinkerbell (flashing sparkles of coded light): You silly ass.
(Kiley 103) The victim desperately longs to cure his parents’ problems, but is only a little boy. Because he can’t make everything all better, he chooses to fly away (Kiley 74).
But not everyone holds the same negative attitude toward the Peter Pan syndrome as Kiley does. Evan Bailyn begs to differ. (The researcher tends to side with Bailyn, because he’s her friend.) Bailyn defines the Peter pan syndrome as a “deep-seated belief that one will never, and must never, grow up. (Bailyn)” A victim himself, Bailyn rather enjoys the syndrome. He defines childhood as the “least tangible, but most powerful influence in a person’s life (Bailyn).” Evan is among the victims to be looked at.
Evan Bailyn is a charming, successful, genuinely happy young man, who also happens to have the Peter Pan syndrome. But contrary to Kiley, who believes the syndrome to have a negative affect on the victim, Bailyn embraces it with enthusiasm (Bailyn). But his life is not just peaches and gravy, he responsibly partitions his brain for two purposes: that of being a child and that of being an adult. Bailyn believes that being a child is over all more exciting then being a grown-up, because children are excited about life by default. They don’t know any better (Bailyn).
On the other hand, adults have more of a need to plan instances of excitement, such as a party or trip to a movie (Kiley 45). Bailyn claims that children are pressured to act like adults far too much, as though childhood is a form of inferiority (Bailyn). He thinks this is wrong because as a child, our thoughts are much more innocent, uncorrupted by thoughts of the worlds complications like death, malice, and sex. Children are ever so blissfully unaware of the darkness of this ugly world we live in, which allows them to be more enthusiastic for life (Bailyn). Why change that? Why rush that? Bailyn doesn’t claim to know exactly when one becomes an adult, but believes it is by no means required to actually grow up. He sees no physiological reason for doing so, and says that children only turn into adults due to pressure from society (Bailyn).
'Unless you become as little Children, you can't see God's kingdom.' –Jesus
'All you need is faith and trust... and a little bit of pixie dust!' --Peter Pan
(Constan) That’s what it says at the top of Randy Constan’s well-known website, pixyland.org. Randy Constan is an amusing older man who chooses to dress in green tights like Peter Pan at all times.
Yes indeed, Randy dresses like he does in the picture above all the time, whether he’s out on the town, or just at the grocery store. Randy’s nonconformist lifestyle has landed him appearances on several television shows, including Conan O’Brian (Constan).
Constan claims that the males of today aren’t as liberated aren’t as liberated as females are (Constan). This is a topic on which he and Kiley agree (Kiley 107). In his books, Kiley discusses the importance of a “Tinkerbell” figure in the life of a victim (Kiley 16). Constan is indeed looking for his own “Tink” of sorts in the form of a significant other in his rather peculiar “ISO Tinkerbell!” ad (Constan). Much like Bailyn, Constan is a successful business man and also has the ability to be an adult when absolutely necessary.
One might say that perhaps James Barrie, the creator and author of Peter Pan, could have very well suffered from the syndrome that he himself inspired. Barrie was exceptionally in touch with his inner child, and could relate with children as though they were his peers. Even as a grown man Barrie was abnormally sort which, in a sense, could qualify him as the one who couldn’t grow up (Birkin 88).
Bailyn says that one knows they are most definitely grown-up when they have children of their own (Bailyn). Barrie never had any offspring, but there were five little boys whom he loved with passion. Barrie was a prominent male figure in the life of the Davies boys, and even allowed them to call him father. Barrie could never truly consider himself their father, though, because a father must discipline his children, which Barrie found to be a rather unpleasant task. He nevertheless loved them like his own, and after the death of the boys’ parents went on to adopt them. It was these five boys who inspired the character of Peter Pan (Birkin 56).
Michael Jackson, the prince of pop, is easily the most well-known victim of this syndrome. One can tell just by watching the evening news. Michael openly displays his love for children, just as Barrie did. He clearly prefers their company over that of adults. Can one blame him for such a preference? Much to the concern of the researcher, dearest Michael is the victim of much of the world’s dirty jokes and cruelty. Why spend time with the adults who mercilessly tear one down, when one could be with innocent children who give their affection freely and without pretense?
Jackson is openly accused of paedophilia, which being true or not, references the sex-role conflict experienced by a victim. Jackson goes so far as to refer to himself as “Peter Pan” and until recently even lived at his “Neverland Ranch.”
“I’m youth- eternal youth. I’m a little bird that has broken out of the egg. I’m joy, joy, JOY! (Brenon)” That’s what Peter, who’s rather conceited, has to say about himself. Obviously, Peter is the inspiration for the syndrome. There’s just something about him that draws people, like a Wendy or a Tinkerbell, to him. Barrie once said to the Davies boys, “I made Peter by rubbing the five of you violently together, as savages with two sticks produce a flame (Birkin 34).”
Barrie actually created the name “Wendy” for his play. He received his inspiration from a little girl named Margaret Henley, who said to him, “You my Fwendy (friend), I your Wendy (Birkin 88)” Sadly, Margaret died at the age of five. In “Peter Pan in Kensington Gardens, which was written before the more well-known story, a character similar to Wendy appears under the name “Maimie. (Birkin 36)”
Like Peter, Wendy is much more than she seems to be. Just as there is a Peter Pan syndrome, Kiley also mentions a “Wendy Dilemma” of sorts. Every female has a bit of a Wendy inside of her, and there is a Wendy in the life of every victim (Kiley 16). This little Wendy s made up of two parts: A scared little girl and a pseudo-mother. The scared little girl fears growing up, but still longs for a romantic adventure. The pseudo-mother realizes that the little girl could be rejected and wishes to protect her from heartbreak. She does this by finding a man for her who won’t grow up, a man with the syndrome (Kiley 127).
This little fairy seems to have it all, doesn’t she? She’s more or less portrayed as very attractive, little girls adore her, and she practically taken over the Disney Store. But there’s must more to this energetic ball of light then “Perfect Pixie” T-shirts. Along with the Wendy, there is also a Tinkerbell in the life of every victim (Kiley 127). Over all she’s a better influence then the Wendy. Tink actually challenges the victim to rise above his syndrome (Kiley 127).
The reader has only taken a minor glance into the complicated, deep, psychological world of Peter Pan. The reader has but scratched the surface and taken a mere peek into Peter’s dark complications. In fact, prior to this one probably was not aware that Peter was such a deep, complex, guy. Yes indeed, Peter Pan is much more than a boy in green tights.
Andrew Birkin, JM Barrie and The Lost Boys. 10 Orange St. London, Wc2-HTEG, Constable and Company Ltd, 1979.
Dr. Dan Kiley, The Peter Pan Syndrome. 79 Madison Avenue New York, NY 10016 Dodd, Mead & Company Inc., 1983.
Dr. Dan Kiley, The Wendy Dilemma, United States of America, Arbor House Publishing Company, 1984.
Evan Bailyn “Is it Really Necessary to Grow Up?” Childhood Remembered Evan Bailyn The Penn Group 10/18/05. www.evanbailyn.com/childhoodmissing
Evan Bailyn “My Definition of Childhood” Childhood Remembered Evan Bailyn The Penn Group, 10/18/05. www.evanbailyn.com/childhood
Evan Bailyn “Why is Childhood Important?” Childhood Remembered Evan Bailyn The Penn Group, 10/18/05. www.evanbailyn.com/childhoodimportance
Evan Bailyn “When Does A Child Become an Adult?” Childhood Remembered Evan Bailyn The Penn Group, 10/18/05. www.evanbailyn.com/childtoadult
Evan Bailyn “What is Peter Pan Syndrome?” Childhood Remembered Evan Bailyn The Penn Group 10/18/05. www.evanbailyn.com/peterpansyndrome
Peter Pan JP Hogan, Jeremy Sumpter, Jason Isaacs, 2003 DVD Universal, 2003.
Peter Pan Herbert Brenon Betty Bronoson, Ernest Terrence, Anna May Wong, 1924 Videocassette Kino on Video, 1999.
The Home Page of Peter Pan Randy Constan September 2005 Pixyland, 10/18/05 . www.pixyland.org/peterpan/index